Undefeated

There are some passages that I come back to and rediscover them as if I wrote them in some sort of trance; drunk and naive without realizing their value. Am I speaking of the future as I write, do I already know who I will be?

September 17. 2007
I can't help it. These feelings I have, for someone now, and for those I've had a chance to know. Each face lingers with the contrast of what they looked like before and what they look like afterwards; from the sweet to bitter, normal to great. Sometimes I see a face and I try to keep that image alive. The more I try to hold on to that face the more it changes. I can't help it. You'll change, they all change. I just want something great. But I can't make you great, just like I couldn't make them great. I can hold on for a while but eventually you will defeat me. The truth will lay me down. It will shine and I hope you shine brighter.

Sitting There on College with me

surrounded by the concrete and the trees growing out of grates in the ground and the passing strangers, he looked small in his grey winter coat; tired with the dark circles around his eyes and the creases in his face. Just below the waves of hair he kept pushing away from his eyes, I swear I saw the cracks in his heart.

I saw the boy that stood on his sixteenth-storey balcony, looking over the parking lot, and in his mind, played over the sequence of events that would follow if he hoisted himself over the ledge; staring in the face of nothingness.

I kissed him hard.

 I was sitting on the bus, feeling very overwhelmed.  I could not stop crying.  I got off the bus at my stop and a quite older woman got off at the same time.  She approached me and gave me a long hug.  As she let me go, she said "I don't know you but I love you".  It changed my life.

Knees Are Meant to Meet The Earth

You trip, you fall, you get up. You trip, you fall, you get up. You trip, you fall, you get up. Again, this time with more enthusiasm, more intensity.
Keep going. You’re doing fine, you’re doing a good job. Keep at it. Yeah, that’s just right, everything is just right.
The more you believe you’re fine, the more you really are. Now get back up, and do it all over again.
Trip, fall, and get up.
Again.

i was out of breath.
your voice was breathless.
i felt a little woozy after 3 beers and too much dinner.
how did you get my phone number?
i can't believe you called.
are you ok?
will i see you?

When my daughter was 4 years old, she made me a birthday present.  She wrapped it up and put it by my bed.  Every day for a month she would unwrap it and show it to me and say "Just put it out of your mind, Mum".  If only it were that easy.

Distracted

You are no longer here. What I see

of you, is shadow, deceit.

Your soul has gone away

where you will go tomorrow. 

Yet even this afternoon offers me

false hostages, vague smiles,

slow gestures,

an already distracted love.

But your intention of going

took you where you wanted,

far from here, where you are

saying to me:

"Here I am with you, look."

And you show me your absence.

Pedro Salinas 

from Seguro azar, 1929

*this

i can't keep doing this. i'm going to be ripped apart. there will be nothing left. and what will i be then? i can feel the end of my soul, and it is as sharp as the pain of knowing you can never love me. i will fall. i know it.

this must stop.

i just don't know how.

There you were

She turned around and there you were
Camera in hand looking at her
Through the lens you saw her soul
Her deep brown eyes her hair like coal
The distance apart seemed like a mile
The gap enclosing as she flashed you a smile
You dropped the camera down by your side
She saw your thoughts you could not hide
The moment lingered as you both stared
So you crossed the room as you were dared
Only inches away she felt alive
Your heart started racing into overdrive
Like a shock through the heart
Her touch, your touch, you could not be apart
You talked all night like you were both alone
No one interrupted you both sat like stone
The music stopped the lights came on
It was time to go, everyone was gone
You walked out into the cloudless blue
Step for step she followed you
It was there that you had to depart
Little did you both know it was only the start

- Violet

no sleep last night.

no sleep last night.
we walked down the hallway and into the elevator.
a strange but beautiful intimacy between us.
without a word, he leaned over the suitcases and kissed me.
a kiss that carried us down five floors.

i would do it all over again, if I could.

around the block one more time

I remember that first time I saw you, not knowing it was your band until it was your turn to play.  It was a small room, and we were sitting almost directly in front of you.  I felt like you being up on stage made it okay for me to stare and so I did.  Later that night we met, thanks to mutual friends and guest bedrooms.  After you left, I listened to you on repeat for months.

You came back to town recently and it was the same thing all over.

You're gone again, but I have you back on repeat.